Since this is the Friday before Father's Day, I thought it would be fitting to put my top tech/usability wishes for presents out there to read.  Thought some of these are tongue-in-cheek, if anyone reading this has the ability to turn tongue-in-cheek into Reebok-in-gluteus, it would be appreciated on this auspicious occasion...

Wish #1 - Given that I just spent a couple of hours this week wrestling with and recovering from errors generated by the automatic update that Microsoft crammed down our throats, I'd like for whoever in Redmond thought it was a good idea to initiate automatic updates that don't check to first see if there are important data transfers going on, and which don't shut down Outlook properly (thus initiating a 20-minute restore process. or safe mode, or both - c'mon, guys, it's YOUR software for crying out loud!) to come home one day to find that rogue contractors have come to his house in the name of safe living and have moved his doors around, filled in his pool and planted dandelions where the japanese maples used to be.  That would be justice...

Wish #2 - To equalize things in the IVR arena, I think it would be great if the payroll system as Sears worked EXACTLY like their IVR and customer service systems do, so that the decision-makers there, on finding they are not being properly paid, would have to call a number and select fifteen different options in a row in exactly the correct order, only to find that the people they are connected to cannot find or give out the number for the correct location to have gotten to, and when they finally do get to someone to straighten things out their checks will be issued in kopeks instead of dollars, for which the customer service manager will promise a call back and a check, neither of which will ever materialize.  That would be them tasting their own medicine...

Wish #3 - To purify the IT arena so that we can focus on the tech and not the schlock, I think it would be marvelous if, during this election year, we could have a software that removes political content entirely from all mass communication, unless it is specifically opted in for.  The pragmatic student of history knows that efficiency is something to be desired in machines and systems, but NOT systems of government, so doesn't it make sense that the use of technology to spread information about something inherently designed to be slower and less-efficient (thus fault- and failure-tolerant, writ STABLE) is at cross-purposes?  That would be matching purpose and vehicle...

Wish #4 - To increase understanding, it is high time that someone took Newton's to the natural conclusion and made it something of a web standard.  If you have not ever used Newton's Telecom Dictionary, then you don't understand this point, but you are also missing a unique chance to understand what you read.  We live in an acronym-based world, and when you read them, it is easy to gloss over what they are.  There are many times when I grab my Newton's to look something up that I've seen in a PowerPoint or other document.  If an intentional journey into the world of communicating meaning instead of volume were to be taken, then an option would be there for acronym expansion, allowing the user to either hover for more, or wholesale replacement with the words from the acronym for those who do not have a tech background, but would like to understand what is being shoved at them.  I'm not talking about manually-coding these in here, I'm talking about software that sees 'FTP' and knows that this particular user likes t have full explanations, so 'FTP' is changed into 'File Transfer Protocol', and then when the user hovers over it a thumbnail sketch of why it is important comes up.  That would be knowledge added, rather than idly glossed over...

Wish #5 - Having just heard from another trade journal subscription specialist (again, from the same one who called last week and renewed my existing subscription, but who also bought another unvetted subscription list and didn't bother to take a second to see if there were any current subscribers already there in their database with the same last name and employer) who asked me inane questions like what the primary business is - not entirely a dumb question, I suppose, if I didn't work at a university where University is one of the three words in the official name - I would like to see these journals have to pay a subscription fee for additional contacts about subscribing to the same magazine.  It would actually benefit them in the long run, because I don't know how much they spend sending me repeated offers to subscribe, but I do know there is a cost associated, and they waste an awful lot of money.  If they applied some of the rudimentary KM (Knowledge Management - this is a discipline involving taking the existing information/data/knowledge that is available via various sources, such as human knowledge and experience, computer databases, institutional tradition and others, and using it at its most efficient level to add value and reduce waste - just practicing for if I'm ever involved in Newton-izing the web) skills that are contained in the software and other systems they are part of, they would instantly see a return on investment that would shock and amaze them.  This would be them practicing what they preach...

Wish #6 - I have seen several different white papers and other things that espouse cost savings and other accounting trickery to justify things that people want to buy.  To me, this is shadow accounting, or the replacement of rational thought with FUD (Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt - this acronym describes a perceived marketing tool that consists of delivering information about potential problems or defects without paying attention to the likelihood or even actual real impact of any of them - see, this would come in handy, though it would goof up the pretty formatting that was done from time to time) or even worse, unrealized savings.  As an example of this - yes, I have taken the prerequisite Accounting courses and I realize that what I am about to say addresses something that is perfectly legal and in accordance with GAAP (Generally Accepted Accounting Principles - this is a confusing miasma that will reduce the most solid of IT professionals to the drooling on one's self level, and this is best left to those extremely gifted individuals who, other than the fact that they USE this pet peeve of mine, are wonderful folks who are gifted to be able to comprehend and assimilate everything that is accounting).  Nevertheless, I think that anyone writing in a white paper that a software or other product saves labor by using an hourly dollar figure should be subject to termination when their white paper is written.  What they are saying when they write things like that are that if there is work, then you pay each individual $10 per hour to do the work, so that three people working for an hour carry a cost of $30.  To follow, if their software is able to reduce the usage from three people to two people, then the net savings is $10, and that would appear to be correct.  However, unless that schedule is strictly followed, the saving are not there.  If it costs the university x dollars to process a form, and that process is made more efficient, we do not send people home, generally, especially if they are in a professional position.  We might find other work to occupy their time, but while that benefits the organization as a whole, the work generally wasn't being done before, so there is no cost savings.  Salaries stay the same, and the only efficiency gained is that of the process itself.  This would be apples being called apples, with the oranges placed into their own category...

Have a happy Father's Day everyone, and spend some time with your family.  We should all work hard, and play hard, and we should also relationship hard (however you do that).